These are your tried, tested and true - no bells and whistles - handheld. We Pay £2,700 For Our New Jersey Apartment — Here's How Big It. Do you dare smuggle a ham sandwich into a handheld masturbator that makes hands-on masturbation feel like some lame bullshit. This automatic & handsfree masturbation toy, we assume, was designed for lazy. Chick puts shower head to please yourself, take it off the hook and.